


Dean, you coward

by pseudosmodingium



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean is Bad at Feelings, Dean's POV, First Kiss, M/M, Men of Letters, Post-Season/Series 11, Sam and Mary are only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 12:16:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7221994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pseudosmodingium/pseuds/pseudosmodingium
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has feelings for Cas but is unable to admit it. Cas is fed up with this.<br/>At least his mother is alive and they come to Sam's rescue as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dean, you coward

**Author's Note:**

> I'm currently writing a more elaborate story and I needed a break which resulted in this.

They were sitting at the bar, waiting for the guy who they hoped would lead them to Sam’s abductors. Dean and Castiel both had whiskey glasses in front of them, though Dean would end up drinking the angel’s as well.

Mary was still trying to catch up on the years she’d missed, being dead and stuff.

It left Dean unsettled to have her at the motel all on her own. She had had to come with them as the bunker wasn’t safe anymore.

That was one of the things that characterized his life. He couldn’t be happy for once, whether something good eventually happened or not. They stopped the apocalypse, his brother went to hell. Sam came back, but without his soul. He got it back, which led to the loss of his sanity. Now this balance had to be kept up again. Cas was back, Dean hadn’t died defeating the Darkness and the cherry on top of his ice-cream was his mother being back from the dead.

Then the sun, disguised as the Men of Letters taking his brother and his home, had come out to melt all the delight away.

‘There, I think that’s him.’

Cas turned around on his seat as Dean had said that.

The man was about as tall as Dean, dressed in blue jeans and a black leather jacket. They watched him sit down at a table, all on his own. The waitress brought him a pint as he was checking something on his phone.

After about fifteen minutes he had finished his drink, dropped some cash on the table and headed for the exit.

As he had almost reached the door, his eyes met Dean’s in the mirror behind the bar. The man stopped abruptly, now so obviously looking at the reflection of Dean’s eyes that he caused the hunter to turn to Castiel in distress and whisper, ‘shit, I think the guy’s realized he’s being watched.’

The man was now walking up to them. He was already too close to leave the opportunity of a rapid escape through the back door.

‘What if he’ll recognize me when I try to talk us out of this?’ The Men of Letters had certainly been handed mugshots of him.

‘Hold on,’ Cas said, apparently having a plan.

Then he tilted his head and leaned forward as if he was about to kiss Dean. And he did, almost. The angel’s stubble brushed the corner of his mouth, their lips not really touching, but Dean could feel the warmth of his friend’s skin on his.

For a second Dean was unable to move. If he did, the slight distance between their lips would actually close, or…or this moment would go away.

Then, finally, Dean became aware of the situation again and saw a leather-clothed back disappear in the doorway as he looked up to the mirror.

‘That was close,’ Dean exhaled in relief.

‘I suggest we’d rather hurry and follow him,’ Cas said.

‘Yeah,’ the hunter agreed hoarsely. He cleared his throat, resuming, ‘yes, let’s go,’ and went after Cas who had already gone a few feet ahead.

There was something scratching at the door in the back of his head where he had certain feelings locked away. They wanted to come out, but Dean didn’t let them. He mentally placed a chair under the rattling knob.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

When they found Sam, he was hurt but alive. That British bitch had shot his brother in the shoulder, yet nothing Cas wouldn’t have been able to fix again.

Castiel, for his part, wasn’t in best shape either after the whole Lucifer thing. He appeared to be less talkative, if only slightly, and although he claimed everything to be fine, Dean knew this was only partly true. Sometimes, he even had the impression of his friend acting passive-aggressively towards him for no reason.

Dean didn’t know what had gotten into him – well, apart from the devil – still, he suspected that it was something Dean had done or said.

Castiel had joined him and Mary on the run from and after the Men of Letters. It had taken him a while to make it back to them as the banishing sigil had him sent straight to Tijuana. He had been lucky though – he could have ended up anywhere.

Cas had penalized himself for not having been able to take care of Sam during the few hours they thought Dean gone.

Dean had a hard time convincing him that it hadn’t been his fault.

After their reunion they had carried on like before Dean’s presumed suicide mission, but the thing that bothered him about Castiel’s behavior was still between them. At least Dean thought there was a thing.

With Mary, and now with Sam too, he couldn’t spot any difference in the angel’s demeanor.

Their substitutional Batcave was a house frequented only by hunters of the Campbell family. Though it looked like it hadn’t been occupied since Mary’s father had made his second take on life, it was in good condition and Dean was pleased to have a roof over his head again that he didn’t have to pay for per night.

During the first days after his rescue, Sam had Mary held up in conversations all day long. Dean perfectly understood that he tried to make up for the time she’d missed of his life.

As Dean had already had enough opportunity for his turn on that issue, he mostly tried to stay out of their way. That meant he ended up spending much more time alone with Cas.

One night, when Castiel had accompanied Dean for dinner in the nearest town, they sat in the car in the parking lot, as Cas started to speak.

‘I felt really lonely back then, you know, when Lucifer had me under his control. I thought it to be possible that I’d die. It would have been worth it…at least that was my point of view then. The only thing I regretted was that I hadn’t been able to share a proper goodbye with you.’

‘Cas…,’ Dean wanted him to stop, he couldn’t bear hearing him talk like that.

‘In case there’ll be another situation like that again – and we both know this is very likely to happen – I want you to know that you, and Sam of course, have been the best that ever happened to me.’

‘Cas, I…,’ was Dean’s attempt of response.

‘You don’t have to say anything, Dean. I just wanted you to know.’

His expression corresponded in no way with what he was saying.

Dean knew he should come up with a reply, tell him that he felt the same about him, but he couldn’t make himself. Instead he started the engine and steered the Impala out of the parking lot. The time of their trip back to Sam and Mary passed without another word.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

Sam and his mother were already knocked out, but not severely injured as far as he could tell. When Dean managed to overwhelm the last of his attackers, his eyes started to search the room for Cas.

‘You lookin’ for this?’ he heard someone say behind him.

A man he hadn’t noticed before was standing behind Castiel, a shiny slender blade pressed against the angel’s throat.

Of course, they were Men of Letters, why wouldn’t they have an angel blade in their possession?

‘Leave him be,’ Dean commanded.

‘Why should I? The angel has caused at least as much trouble as the Winchesters,’ the man answered and a gold tooth was showing as he grinned scornfully.

‘Why are you doing this to us? We may have fucked up from time to time, but we’ve saved the world quite as often.’

The man just laughed, which caused him to slip a little with the blade, leaving Cas to bleed a few drops under his ear.

‘Stop hurting everyone I love!’ Dean yelled and shot the Man of Letters right in the head before he had even realized that the hunter had pulled out his gun.

He slumped to the ground, the angel blade he had dropped clanging on the floor.

Cas just stood there, staring at him, when Dean suddenly realized what he had just said.

Dean’s eyes escaped his gaze and he went to check on his mother.

‘Would you help me with Sam, please,’ he said and pointed towards his brother who was lying next to her, without looking back at the angel again.

Although he tried not to think about what had come out of his mouth not a minute ago, his face was burning hot.

Sam and Mary were soon okay again, apart from slight dizziness.

When they had returned to their safe house, Dean ordered his mother and brother to rest for a few hours, while he assigned himself to downing a six-pack.

Castiel was standing in the opposite corner of the living room as Dean opened his first beer. The angel could stare as many holes into him as pleased him, Dean would certainly not pick up that topic from before again.

‘You’re a pathetic little human, Dean. All you can do is drown yourself in alcohol.’

‘Screw you, Cas.’

Why were they insulting each other now?

Cas rolled his eyes and stormed out. The beer suddenly tasted awful, wherefore Dean put it aside on the coffee table.

He needed to do this now. He needed to apologize. Dean knew he was being a dick. Cas didn’t deserve that.

He found Castiel standing on the front porch, watching the rain fall in long strings.

‘Cas?’

‘What?’ Pure aggression came with the question.

‘Look, man, I’m sorry. I…you know, what I said back there…you should have already known that. I’ve told you, you’re family.’

‘I know.’ Cas still hadn’t moved to look at him. ‘I’m a brother to you.’

That didn’t really describe his feelings for Cas. Sam was his brother and, god, Cas was something entirely different.

‘Yeah, you’re a brother to Sam,’

Now Castiel’s puzzled look met Dean’s eyes.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean you’re my best friend and Cas…I can’t call you my brother because that would be weird.’

‘I don’t understand, Dean.’

Why the fuck did this stupid angel have to be so slow on the uptake?

‘Dean, this conversation has upset me enough. You better get back to your alcohol consuming task,’ he said and turned away again.

Why did the guy have to be so fucking stubborn?

‘Fuck, Cas, I,’ he mumbled in agony, then, louder than expected, he resumed, ‘I love you, you stupid son of a bitch!’

There was Castiel’s gaze on him again.

‘I mean, like…’ he gasped.

That was all the talking he could bear right now, so he stepped forward, violating the angel’s personal space, and crushed their lips together, steadying Castiel’s head with a hand on his nape.

The kiss was desperate and Dean whined a little when Cas started to return it.

And there he was, finally kissing the angel he had desired for so long. Dean had no idea where this would lead them to. Right now he couldn’t care less about the future.

 


End file.
